Monday, July 30, 2012

Monumental ch-ch-changesssss

Disneyland was a great time.  We ended up being way more Paleo than we were in Vegas, though we definitely cheated more than we wanted to.  Whatevs, it's Disneyland.  We have a whole month of being home before we head out to Seattle (and then again in October, and then hopefully not for a few months!) for a week-ish.  Today we're finishing up leftovers from my Italian birthday dinner last night, Danny is buying a car, and then we're food shopping.  Back to the grind.

It's taken me some time, and for some reason, this trip, to realize that goals and whatnot aren't bad.  And that what I'm doing - essentially cooking, cleaning, helping my boyfriend with his work - isn't bad.  I have been conditioned for a very long time to work, work, work, and not stop, and that anything else was bad.  Relying on someone else has been a dizzying experience that I'm still not fully used to.  Having money isn't something I'm fully used to yet.   But that's another post for another time.

Right now I'm mentally prepping myself for trying to step more fully and with less resistance and less anger into these roles, of helping with the cooking and the cleaning, etc, and not hating myself for it.  It's TOUGH.  I think part of it is also that before this, I never even had time cook and clean for myself.  Or well, it wasn't something high on my priority list - more of a, when I'm an adult, I will cook and clean.  Right now I will eat terrible food and put off cleaning.

I turned 24 yesterday.  That makes me an adult, right?

I think there is definitely that added dynamic of being the main force of cooking/cleaning for both of us, when it's still totally foreign for just me.  I'm come to the hesitant-not quite there in my heart but I understand it in my head-"acceptance" that he takes care of us both, financially, and I kind of sit here and let him and begrudgingly clean and make food and expect him to help with both when I don't even do one or the other.  If I want to be able to keep sitting here doing nothing (which I don't forever, but for right now is fine enough), then I should be ok with contributing in some way.  Some way that is productive and helps him continue taking care of us both.

It feels dirty saying that, but again, that's the way I've thought my entire life.  It's going to take awhile to shake that completely.

I'm going to try and schedule my day up, and so is he.  For me, I will have an hour of training Yoshi, an hour of practicing piano (once we have that going), an hour for exercise, an hour for doing what I need to do to help him (answering emails, Facebook ish, mailing things, etc), probably 1-2 hours of cooking/cleaning.  6 hours of "work."  I want the kitchen to be cleaned every day - if not every night, every morning.  If the floor is covered by tumbleweeds of Yoshi's fur and dirt she drags in, I need to vacuum.  If there are things being annoying on the floor, I need to clean them.  I don't need to be perfect, but I need to be better.

I think we're going to try to be up by noon every day, to exercise at night when it's cooler.  I want to try and plan meals now so we're not eating the same variation of the same thing every day.   Paleo can be extremely, wonderfully varied, and if I don't take the time to try it, I'm going to end up frustrated and angry like I have been.

These feel like monumental changes, but I think they're good ones.  I hope they are.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Paleo again

We are back on the Paleo grind. Our original intention when we went to Las Vegas was to be as Paleo as possible, with the understanding we'd cheat inevitably.  But our intention was to eat meat and veggies like wild people.


Whoops.  No excuses.

We're back home and it took us a few days to get back into it, but we restocked our fridge the day before yesterday and had our first good meal of pork chops and veggies last night.  I woke up this afternoon (we're heading to bed around 5 in the morning lately and getting up around 2 or 3 in the afternoon) and made a salad with a leftover pork chop, spinach, baby tomatoes, avocado, and hot sauce. Tonight I'm going to try to make chicken skewers for the grill.  If it rains, I'll probably just toss everything together on the stove and warm up some Paleo friendly marinara sauce to smother over everything.  I have bananas freezing in the fridge to try and whip up some "ice cream" later - will be mixing those bananas and cocoa powder in the food processor.  I wanted to use 85% or higher squares of chocolate, but a trip to Sprouts yielded no such thing.  The highest I was found was 72%.  Really Sprouts?  They also had no fish sauce, which I wanted to to use to make a marinade for the chicken.

I wish we had a Whole Foods nearby.  As expensive as they are, they have what I need.  I haven't been to Trader Joe's yet while being Paleo - I'm interested in checking it out sometime.

Regardless, I'm still excited to try my banana "ice cream."  Look at me go again, heading straight for the sweets.

We're trying to ration our food and use everything before Friday, when we head out for a week AGAIN.  We're going to my grandparents' 50th anniversary party in Rancho Santa Margarita, and spending the weekend in town with my family.  On Monday we're going to the Happiest Place on Earth - not my bed, but Disneyland.  Eeek!  We are going to try and do Paleo as much as we can again.  I'm not sure how the weekend will shake out yet, since our hotel room doesn't have a fridge or microwave, but our room near Disney does.  We'll stock up on cold meats, lettuce, packaged guac, and hot sauce, plus dried fruits, nuts, and jerky.  Our plan is to try and eat before we hit the park every day, so that we're not tempted to buy random sweets or go crazy on fried goodness, and then find suitable places to eat offsite.  We do want to eat at Pizza Port, Blue Bayou, and Goofy's Kitchen though, so those are established free feeding times.

We also discovered the goodness that are Lara Bars today.  I brought home the apple pie, lemon, and banana bread flavors (I also cheated and had a peanut butter one).  It looks like they use dates as the base for everything, and most everything else is good.  I don't want to eat them every day, since they have a bunch of fiber and too much fiber doesn't make my stomach the happiest, plus a bunch of calories and too much fat.  But they'll come in handy when we're battling the crowds at Disneyland and are starving for sustenance.  We sampled all 3 flavors I brought home today and my stomach is already like, garrr.  I am really slacking on my water intake.


I made chicken stir fry, my Paleo "ice cream," and fig cake balls tonight.

My kitchen is a mess and I found out my super cool boss agrees with Daniel Tosh and I'm sick of feeling sick about people that feel it's ok to threaten people.  I'm tired of being around people and sad.

Today got blue really fast.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Daniel Tosh and rape jokes

If you haven't heard yet about Daniel Tosh and his rape "joke," you're slacking on keeping up with the internet.  Shame!  Just kidding.  I was questioned last night by someone who doesn't quite think what Daniel Tosh was wrong; moreover, he thought that the lady in question wasn't being honest, and that nobody will ever know for sure what was said.  I had no words to respond, and as I do more often than not, I fumed and became huffy that someone couldn't understand something I wasn't saying.  Imagine that!  Someone couldn't read my mind.

So in an effort to clarify my feelings on the subject, here we are.  There are dozens of articles already, and they are all probably better well written than this one will be, but here this is anyway.

To start I guess you have to ask the obvious question: is rape funny?  More broadly, is there any topic that should be "hands off" for every comedian?

Practically, the answer is no.  No subject will ever be off limits for everyone.  That being said, I don't believe that any topic should be off limits.  Yes, I said it.  I don't think rape "jokes"are off limits.  That's going to get me in trouble with my feminist friends and probably a lot more.  Now let me clarify a bit more: rape isn't funny.  If you think rape is funny, I have no words for you.  I don't think anyone in his right mind thinks that rape is funny (unless you're a very special kind of asshole).

I will never use rape as a joke.  I prefer not to hear rape jokes, because I think it makes the comedian unattractive.  There are literally thousands of things you can make light of; making light of a traumatizing event experienced by a minority of the population is just picking low hanging fruit.  I will never appreciate, laugh at, or think that jokes that take aim at a marginalized group of people are funny.

Do I think they can serve a purpose?  Yes.  I'm trying very hard to remember a Family Guy skit that used rape and that I thought was useful.  I don't remember exactly, but it was clever, and it was set up in a way that used the joke as a tool to expose rape culture.  That, I think, is useful.  It was jarring, clear, and made me actually appreciate it.  Here are two more examples from this Jezebel article (I think this article is one of the better ones I've read so far on this subject).

So do I think rape jokes are funny?  Never.  Do I think they can be useful is making people stop, think, examine their privilege, and come away with a better understanding of what those (mainly) women go through?  Yes.

All that being said, Daniel Tosh was not being funny.  Daniel Tosh was being a bully.  To go back to the impetus of this writing, was this young lady lying?  My response: I will always stand with the victim.  This is a world dominated by men, in law enforcement and entertainment.  The facts are these: mostly women, people of color, and trans* people are the victims of rape.  Minorities.  By sheer numbers alone, in most cases, these people are not in positions in power.  And as someone who is constantly questioning the "power," the patriarchy, and the government, it would be ridiculous of me to simply close the book and say, "nope, no facts!  Must just ignore it and possibly let someone who is in no position of power feel even more marginalized."

Again, Daniel Tosh was not being funny.  Would it be funny to rape someone?  No, you fucking jackass.  Odds are, Sir White-Straight-Cis-Male with a legion of fans, money, and a TV network behind you, you will never be raped.  You will never fear for your safety in a comedy club while some man extols just how fucking hilarious it would be if you were raped.  Same for you, other male comedians (I'm looking at you Louie C.K.).  It's easy to jump up and hide behind the "if we can't joke about one thing we can't joke about anything!!!" guise.  Stop being cowards and stop acting like victims.  Man the fuck up.  Nobody is telling you the that you can't say something (remember, Americcaaaaa).  Take the backlash and admit (really admit) that you dun fucked up, Daniel Tosh.  You weren't funny; you were perpetuating violence and being a bully.  You are not a victim.

And to touch briefly on the subject of "but there's no outcry when it's male rape!"  You're right.  There isn't.  When it becomes apparent that white, cis, straight men are being raped more than women, people of color, and trans* people, then maybe there will be an outcry.  We are a long, long, long way from that though.  Until then, keep your MRA conspiracies to yourself and again: you are not a victim.

I think I've sufficiently summed up how I feel on this matter.