I would literally smash someone's brains in for waffles.
Maybe not that extreme. At least not yet.
I don't remember our last bad meal together, I think it was Saturday night. So it's been a few days.
As much as I tell myself to just go with it, I get ridiculously cranky when I can't have what I want. For example, right now I am dying for waffles. It's rainy outside and I want some breakfast food. When I'm not cranky, nowadays I will just bite my lip and see what I have in my fridge and snack on Lara bars or raspberries. When I know I'm craving something intensely and it doesn't take much effort, I can normally try to plan Paleo alternatives. The day before yesterday I wanted fried chicken - so yesterday I marinated some chicken breasts and then coated them with a spicy almond flour mix and baked it in the oven and they came out great.
When I crave ice cream, I make my smoothie of bananas, berry, cocoa powder, coconut milk, and honey - sometimes almond butter. Right now I want waffles, and I don't want fucking almond flour waffles and honey, I want some waffles with butter and syrup and whipped cream and milk. Not to mention we don't have a waffle maker.
I'm left with a few questions - if I wasn't trying to eat Paleo, would I still be cranky?
Probably. Or maybe, I'd get over it. I feel like I would get over it, considering we don't have a waffle maker and I didn't used to know how to make pancakes and probably wouldn't expend the effort anyway. I would probably talk myself down from it and eat what was in the fridge.
Right now I'm talking myself up to go out and get those waffles instead of cooking something.
It's strange, and I think it's something I need to tackle. I still feel confined eating Paleo style, and I've spent a good part of my adult life trying to reach around that confining feeling and feeling good about what I ate, no matter what it was. I've always believed in moderation, and I fully believe that I could eat waffles tonight, and tomorrow go back to eating eggs and vegetables and almond flour concoctions.
That brings up my next question: if I were back in non-Paleo scenario, would it be as easy to eat well?
Probably not. More than likely, I'd probably be eating terribly and not feel very inclined to solve the problem. Instead, I'd get my waffles and the next morning eat a bowl of cereal (oh my god I fucking love cereal, now I want cereal), and then probably get some greasy fast food for lunch and for dinner eat mac and cheese and a sandwich.
So with those answers, I think that Paleo is doing good things for me. There are days when I don't crave anything and days when I'm excited about eating good food. And then are days like today, where I know I shouldn't have waffles, and that makes me insanely hostile, I will rip your face off cranky.
My next question is then: is this crankiness worth not having waffles?
I don't think so, but I wonder how many fitness people would be like, PUSH PAST THE CRAVINGS! YOU CAN DO IT, EAT SOME BROCCOLI AND CHICKEN AND STFU. YOU CAN EVEN MAKE ALMOND FLOUR PANCAKES, YOU DON'T HAVE IT THAT BAD YOU PANSY.
To which I gladly yell back BUT I WANT SOME FUCKING WAFFLES MOTHERFUCKING DAMNIT.
So my answer is this: I don't think the cranky is worth not eating waffles, but Paleo has started to have some great effects on me, which I appreciate. I know goals are all about "pushing past your hangups," but I don't even know what my goal with Paleo is. It's to eat better, certainly, to feel better and be more active. So far, it's working. I don't think eating waffles right now would deter that. If it became a bad habit, then obviously. But I've come to realize that so much of my emotional state has become tied to food, mainly because of this "diet," which is why I've not done diets for any part of my life except now. I've never felt the need to cut things out entirely, and as much as I try now, it's still not worth it.
I have to take care of myself, both mentally and physically, and I'm working on both. The fitness people may be all up in my grill yelling FUCKING PUSH PAST IT YOU FUCKING WIMP FUCKING GLUTEN AND ADDED SUGAR AND OH MY GOD THAT STUFF WILL KILL YOU but at this point I'm ready to shrug my shoulders and yell back MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.
I want some fucking waffles. Eating should not be this much of a struggle, and if it is, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.