Disneyland was a great time. We ended up being way more Paleo than we were in Vegas, though we definitely cheated more than we wanted to. Whatevs, it's Disneyland. We have a whole month of being home before we head out to Seattle (and then again in October, and then hopefully not for a few months!) for a week-ish. Today we're finishing up leftovers from my Italian birthday dinner last night, Danny is buying a car, and then we're food shopping. Back to the grind.
It's taken me some time, and for some reason, this trip, to realize that goals and whatnot aren't bad. And that what I'm doing - essentially cooking, cleaning, helping my boyfriend with his work - isn't bad. I have been conditioned for a very long time to work, work, work, and not stop, and that anything else was bad. Relying on someone else has been a dizzying experience that I'm still not fully used to. Having money isn't something I'm fully used to yet. But that's another post for another time.
Right now I'm mentally prepping myself for trying to step more fully and with less resistance and less anger into these roles, of helping with the cooking and the cleaning, etc, and not hating myself for it. It's TOUGH. I think part of it is also that before this, I never even had time cook and clean for myself. Or well, it wasn't something high on my priority list - more of a, when I'm an adult, I will cook and clean. Right now I will eat terrible food and put off cleaning.
I turned 24 yesterday. That makes me an adult, right?
I think there is definitely that added dynamic of being the main force of cooking/cleaning for both of us, when it's still totally foreign for just me. I'm come to the hesitant-not quite there in my heart but I understand it in my head-"acceptance" that he takes care of us both, financially, and I kind of sit here and let him and begrudgingly clean and make food and expect him to help with both when I don't even do one or the other. If I want to be able to keep sitting here doing nothing (which I don't forever, but for right now is fine enough), then I should be ok with contributing in some way. Some way that is productive and helps him continue taking care of us both.
It feels dirty saying that, but again, that's the way I've thought my entire life. It's going to take awhile to shake that completely.
I'm going to try and schedule my day up, and so is he. For me, I will have an hour of training Yoshi, an hour of practicing piano (once we have that going), an hour for exercise, an hour for doing what I need to do to help him (answering emails, Facebook ish, mailing things, etc), probably 1-2 hours of cooking/cleaning. 6 hours of "work." I want the kitchen to be cleaned every day - if not every night, every morning. If the floor is covered by tumbleweeds of Yoshi's fur and dirt she drags in, I need to vacuum. If there are things being annoying on the floor, I need to clean them. I don't need to be perfect, but I need to be better.
I think we're going to try to be up by noon every day, to exercise at night when it's cooler. I want to try and plan meals now so we're not eating the same variation of the same thing every day. Paleo can be extremely, wonderfully varied, and if I don't take the time to try it, I'm going to end up frustrated and angry like I have been.
These feel like monumental changes, but I think they're good ones. I hope they are.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Paleo again
We are back on the Paleo grind. Our original intention when we went to Las Vegas was to be as Paleo as possible, with the understanding we'd cheat inevitably. But our intention was to eat meat and veggies like wild people.
NOPE.
Whoops. No excuses.
We're back home and it took us a few days to get back into it, but we restocked our fridge the day before yesterday and had our first good meal of pork chops and veggies last night. I woke up this afternoon (we're heading to bed around 5 in the morning lately and getting up around 2 or 3 in the afternoon) and made a salad with a leftover pork chop, spinach, baby tomatoes, avocado, and hot sauce. Tonight I'm going to try to make chicken skewers for the grill. If it rains, I'll probably just toss everything together on the stove and warm up some Paleo friendly marinara sauce to smother over everything. I have bananas freezing in the fridge to try and whip up some "ice cream" later - will be mixing those bananas and cocoa powder in the food processor. I wanted to use 85% or higher squares of chocolate, but a trip to Sprouts yielded no such thing. The highest I was found was 72%. Really Sprouts? They also had no fish sauce, which I wanted to to use to make a marinade for the chicken.
I wish we had a Whole Foods nearby. As expensive as they are, they have what I need. I haven't been to Trader Joe's yet while being Paleo - I'm interested in checking it out sometime.
Regardless, I'm still excited to try my banana "ice cream." Look at me go again, heading straight for the sweets.
We're trying to ration our food and use everything before Friday, when we head out for a week AGAIN. We're going to my grandparents' 50th anniversary party in Rancho Santa Margarita, and spending the weekend in town with my family. On Monday we're going to the Happiest Place on Earth - not my bed, but Disneyland. Eeek! We are going to try and do Paleo as much as we can again. I'm not sure how the weekend will shake out yet, since our hotel room doesn't have a fridge or microwave, but our room near Disney does. We'll stock up on cold meats, lettuce, packaged guac, and hot sauce, plus dried fruits, nuts, and jerky. Our plan is to try and eat before we hit the park every day, so that we're not tempted to buy random sweets or go crazy on fried goodness, and then find suitable places to eat offsite. We do want to eat at Pizza Port, Blue Bayou, and Goofy's Kitchen though, so those are established free feeding times.
We also discovered the goodness that are Lara Bars today. I brought home the apple pie, lemon, and banana bread flavors (I also cheated and had a peanut butter one). It looks like they use dates as the base for everything, and most everything else is good. I don't want to eat them every day, since they have a bunch of fiber and too much fiber doesn't make my stomach the happiest, plus a bunch of calories and too much fat. But they'll come in handy when we're battling the crowds at Disneyland and are starving for sustenance. We sampled all 3 flavors I brought home today and my stomach is already like, garrr. I am really slacking on my water intake.
ETA:
I made chicken stir fry, my Paleo "ice cream," and fig cake balls tonight.
My kitchen is a mess and I found out my super cool boss agrees with Daniel Tosh and I'm sick of feeling sick about people that feel it's ok to threaten people. I'm tired of being around people and sad.
Today got blue really fast.
NOPE.
Whoops. No excuses.
We're back home and it took us a few days to get back into it, but we restocked our fridge the day before yesterday and had our first good meal of pork chops and veggies last night. I woke up this afternoon (we're heading to bed around 5 in the morning lately and getting up around 2 or 3 in the afternoon) and made a salad with a leftover pork chop, spinach, baby tomatoes, avocado, and hot sauce. Tonight I'm going to try to make chicken skewers for the grill. If it rains, I'll probably just toss everything together on the stove and warm up some Paleo friendly marinara sauce to smother over everything. I have bananas freezing in the fridge to try and whip up some "ice cream" later - will be mixing those bananas and cocoa powder in the food processor. I wanted to use 85% or higher squares of chocolate, but a trip to Sprouts yielded no such thing. The highest I was found was 72%. Really Sprouts? They also had no fish sauce, which I wanted to to use to make a marinade for the chicken.
I wish we had a Whole Foods nearby. As expensive as they are, they have what I need. I haven't been to Trader Joe's yet while being Paleo - I'm interested in checking it out sometime.
Regardless, I'm still excited to try my banana "ice cream." Look at me go again, heading straight for the sweets.
We're trying to ration our food and use everything before Friday, when we head out for a week AGAIN. We're going to my grandparents' 50th anniversary party in Rancho Santa Margarita, and spending the weekend in town with my family. On Monday we're going to the Happiest Place on Earth - not my bed, but Disneyland. Eeek! We are going to try and do Paleo as much as we can again. I'm not sure how the weekend will shake out yet, since our hotel room doesn't have a fridge or microwave, but our room near Disney does. We'll stock up on cold meats, lettuce, packaged guac, and hot sauce, plus dried fruits, nuts, and jerky. Our plan is to try and eat before we hit the park every day, so that we're not tempted to buy random sweets or go crazy on fried goodness, and then find suitable places to eat offsite. We do want to eat at Pizza Port, Blue Bayou, and Goofy's Kitchen though, so those are established free feeding times.
We also discovered the goodness that are Lara Bars today. I brought home the apple pie, lemon, and banana bread flavors (I also cheated and had a peanut butter one). It looks like they use dates as the base for everything, and most everything else is good. I don't want to eat them every day, since they have a bunch of fiber and too much fiber doesn't make my stomach the happiest, plus a bunch of calories and too much fat. But they'll come in handy when we're battling the crowds at Disneyland and are starving for sustenance. We sampled all 3 flavors I brought home today and my stomach is already like, garrr. I am really slacking on my water intake.
ETA:
I made chicken stir fry, my Paleo "ice cream," and fig cake balls tonight.
My kitchen is a mess and I found out my super cool boss agrees with Daniel Tosh and I'm sick of feeling sick about people that feel it's ok to threaten people. I'm tired of being around people and sad.
Today got blue really fast.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Daniel Tosh and rape jokes
If you haven't heard yet about Daniel Tosh and his rape "joke," you're slacking on keeping up with the internet. Shame! Just kidding. I was questioned last night by someone who doesn't quite think what Daniel Tosh was wrong; moreover, he thought that the lady in question wasn't being honest, and that nobody will ever know for sure what was said. I had no words to respond, and as I do more often than not, I fumed and became huffy that someone couldn't understand something I wasn't saying. Imagine that! Someone couldn't read my mind.
So in an effort to clarify my feelings on the subject, here we are. There are dozens of articles already, and they are all probably better well written than this one will be, but here this is anyway.
To start I guess you have to ask the obvious question: is rape funny? More broadly, is there any topic that should be "hands off" for every comedian?
Practically, the answer is no. No subject will ever be off limits for everyone. That being said, I don't believe that any topic should be off limits. Yes, I said it. I don't think rape "jokes"are off limits. That's going to get me in trouble with my feminist friends and probably a lot more. Now let me clarify a bit more: rape isn't funny. If you think rape is funny, I have no words for you. I don't think anyone in his right mind thinks that rape is funny (unless you're a very special kind of asshole).
I will never use rape as a joke. I prefer not to hear rape jokes, because I think it makes the comedian unattractive. There are literally thousands of things you can make light of; making light of a traumatizing event experienced by a minority of the population is just picking low hanging fruit. I will never appreciate, laugh at, or think that jokes that take aim at a marginalized group of people are funny.
Do I think they can serve a purpose? Yes. I'm trying very hard to remember a Family Guy skit that used rape and that I thought was useful. I don't remember exactly, but it was clever, and it was set up in a way that used the joke as a tool to expose rape culture. That, I think, is useful. It was jarring, clear, and made me actually appreciate it. Here are two more examples from this Jezebel article (I think this article is one of the better ones I've read so far on this subject).
So do I think rape jokes are funny? Never. Do I think they can be useful is making people stop, think, examine their privilege, and come away with a better understanding of what those (mainly) women go through? Yes.
All that being said, Daniel Tosh was not being funny. Daniel Tosh was being a bully. To go back to the impetus of this writing, was this young lady lying? My response: I will always stand with the victim. This is a world dominated by men, in law enforcement and entertainment. The facts are these: mostly women, people of color, and trans* people are the victims of rape. Minorities. By sheer numbers alone, in most cases, these people are not in positions in power. And as someone who is constantly questioning the "power," the patriarchy, and the government, it would be ridiculous of me to simply close the book and say, "nope, no facts! Must just ignore it and possibly let someone who is in no position of power feel even more marginalized."
Again, Daniel Tosh was not being funny. Would it be funny to rape someone? No, you fucking jackass. Odds are, Sir White-Straight-Cis-Male with a legion of fans, money, and a TV network behind you, you will never be raped. You will never fear for your safety in a comedy club while some man extols just how fucking hilarious it would be if you were raped. Same for you, other male comedians (I'm looking at you Louie C.K.). It's easy to jump up and hide behind the "if we can't joke about one thing we can't joke about anything!!!" guise. Stop being cowards and stop acting like victims. Man the fuck up. Nobody is telling you the that you can't say something (remember, Americcaaaaa). Take the backlash and admit (really admit) that you dun fucked up, Daniel Tosh. You weren't funny; you were perpetuating violence and being a bully. You are not a victim.
And to touch briefly on the subject of "but there's no outcry when it's male rape!" You're right. There isn't. When it becomes apparent that white, cis, straight men are being raped more than women, people of color, and trans* people, then maybe there will be an outcry. We are a long, long, long way from that though. Until then, keep your MRA conspiracies to yourself and again: you are not a victim.
I think I've sufficiently summed up how I feel on this matter.
So in an effort to clarify my feelings on the subject, here we are. There are dozens of articles already, and they are all probably better well written than this one will be, but here this is anyway.
To start I guess you have to ask the obvious question: is rape funny? More broadly, is there any topic that should be "hands off" for every comedian?
Practically, the answer is no. No subject will ever be off limits for everyone. That being said, I don't believe that any topic should be off limits. Yes, I said it. I don't think rape "jokes"are off limits. That's going to get me in trouble with my feminist friends and probably a lot more. Now let me clarify a bit more: rape isn't funny. If you think rape is funny, I have no words for you. I don't think anyone in his right mind thinks that rape is funny (unless you're a very special kind of asshole).
I will never use rape as a joke. I prefer not to hear rape jokes, because I think it makes the comedian unattractive. There are literally thousands of things you can make light of; making light of a traumatizing event experienced by a minority of the population is just picking low hanging fruit. I will never appreciate, laugh at, or think that jokes that take aim at a marginalized group of people are funny.
Do I think they can serve a purpose? Yes. I'm trying very hard to remember a Family Guy skit that used rape and that I thought was useful. I don't remember exactly, but it was clever, and it was set up in a way that used the joke as a tool to expose rape culture. That, I think, is useful. It was jarring, clear, and made me actually appreciate it. Here are two more examples from this Jezebel article (I think this article is one of the better ones I've read so far on this subject).
So do I think rape jokes are funny? Never. Do I think they can be useful is making people stop, think, examine their privilege, and come away with a better understanding of what those (mainly) women go through? Yes.
All that being said, Daniel Tosh was not being funny. Daniel Tosh was being a bully. To go back to the impetus of this writing, was this young lady lying? My response: I will always stand with the victim. This is a world dominated by men, in law enforcement and entertainment. The facts are these: mostly women, people of color, and trans* people are the victims of rape. Minorities. By sheer numbers alone, in most cases, these people are not in positions in power. And as someone who is constantly questioning the "power," the patriarchy, and the government, it would be ridiculous of me to simply close the book and say, "nope, no facts! Must just ignore it and possibly let someone who is in no position of power feel even more marginalized."
Again, Daniel Tosh was not being funny. Would it be funny to rape someone? No, you fucking jackass. Odds are, Sir White-Straight-Cis-Male with a legion of fans, money, and a TV network behind you, you will never be raped. You will never fear for your safety in a comedy club while some man extols just how fucking hilarious it would be if you were raped. Same for you, other male comedians (I'm looking at you Louie C.K.). It's easy to jump up and hide behind the "if we can't joke about one thing we can't joke about anything!!!" guise. Stop being cowards and stop acting like victims. Man the fuck up. Nobody is telling you the that you can't say something (remember, Americcaaaaa). Take the backlash and admit (really admit) that you dun fucked up, Daniel Tosh. You weren't funny; you were perpetuating violence and being a bully. You are not a victim.
And to touch briefly on the subject of "but there's no outcry when it's male rape!" You're right. There isn't. When it becomes apparent that white, cis, straight men are being raped more than women, people of color, and trans* people, then maybe there will be an outcry. We are a long, long, long way from that though. Until then, keep your MRA conspiracies to yourself and again: you are not a victim.
I think I've sufficiently summed up how I feel on this matter.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Walk walk
Today we've only had a bunch of beef and turkey. We cooked it all up last night and had a lot left over that we snacked on throughout the day. We're leaving town for a week on Sunday and we're trying not to buy anymore food. We still have a some packages of raspberries and blueberries left that we need to finish up, but that's mainly it.
We just did our daily mile walk. It's soooo hard to get motivated to get up and do it, still. Some days I'm better than others, some days Danny has to nag me to get up and go. I'm trying to stay motivated to keep him motivated, and for Yoshi, since Yoshi needs to walk more too. If I focus on my puppy dog, it helps. It only takes 20 minutes and we've been at it for about a week and a half. We've only taken two days off, so I'm proud of us so far. We also do push-ups and arm exercises on the exercise ball some days - we've had someone staying with us for the past week and him being around kind of makes it weird doing it? I don't know. I think we'll pick it back up once he goes home.
On Sunday we're heading to Laughlin for the 4th. My grandparents live around Bullhead City. Yoshi is coming with us and we'll be staying in a hotel, but Yoshi will be staying with them. I'm a nervous wreck about it, but I think she'll be fine. I'll probably stay with her the first night to help her acclimate. I think it would be good for my grandmother to get an inside dog to baby(they have a dog already but he refuses to come inside - it's the weirdest thing). She's been lackluster about the idea, but I hope that Yoshi being with her constantly for a week will help convince her. On the 5th we're going to Las Vegas for EVO. Danny knows a bunch of people going and while I'm going to be nervous and full of social anxiety around so many people, I'll be ok. I'm probably just be worried about my puppy dog.
We're planning on trying to be as Paleo as we can. We've decided on two cheats throughout so far - the buffet at the Bellagio and at my grandparents' house, because come on, I can't pass up my grandma's real Mexican food. Unf. We're not going to be perfect (obviously we're going to drink) and we're going to end up eating fast food and bad food at times, but we'll try to mostly keep to meat and veggies. Sweden made us feel fucking terrible with all its cheese and greasy stuff, so I'm not dying to repeat.
About to stop being lazy and get up and cook some chicken. I have a pineapple I need to get rid of before Sunday, so I'm going to dice some up and throw it in with the chicken and some curry powder and see how it comes out. Hopefully delicious!
We just did our daily mile walk. It's soooo hard to get motivated to get up and do it, still. Some days I'm better than others, some days Danny has to nag me to get up and go. I'm trying to stay motivated to keep him motivated, and for Yoshi, since Yoshi needs to walk more too. If I focus on my puppy dog, it helps. It only takes 20 minutes and we've been at it for about a week and a half. We've only taken two days off, so I'm proud of us so far. We also do push-ups and arm exercises on the exercise ball some days - we've had someone staying with us for the past week and him being around kind of makes it weird doing it? I don't know. I think we'll pick it back up once he goes home.
On Sunday we're heading to Laughlin for the 4th. My grandparents live around Bullhead City. Yoshi is coming with us and we'll be staying in a hotel, but Yoshi will be staying with them. I'm a nervous wreck about it, but I think she'll be fine. I'll probably stay with her the first night to help her acclimate. I think it would be good for my grandmother to get an inside dog to baby(they have a dog already but he refuses to come inside - it's the weirdest thing). She's been lackluster about the idea, but I hope that Yoshi being with her constantly for a week will help convince her. On the 5th we're going to Las Vegas for EVO. Danny knows a bunch of people going and while I'm going to be nervous and full of social anxiety around so many people, I'll be ok. I'm probably just be worried about my puppy dog.
We're planning on trying to be as Paleo as we can. We've decided on two cheats throughout so far - the buffet at the Bellagio and at my grandparents' house, because come on, I can't pass up my grandma's real Mexican food. Unf. We're not going to be perfect (obviously we're going to drink) and we're going to end up eating fast food and bad food at times, but we'll try to mostly keep to meat and veggies. Sweden made us feel fucking terrible with all its cheese and greasy stuff, so I'm not dying to repeat.
About to stop being lazy and get up and cook some chicken. I have a pineapple I need to get rid of before Sunday, so I'm going to dice some up and throw it in with the chicken and some curry powder and see how it comes out. Hopefully delicious!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
A revolutionary thought
I've always been fat. My entire life I have had to deal with the stigma, the idiocy of other people, and the whole world telling me that if I could only get skinny, everything would be better.
It took a very long time and a lot of soul searching and learning on my part to shake that. Some people are born with that grace and confidence to be who they are and not give a damn what others think; some people aren't, and I'm one of those people. It took a very long time to come to terms with my size and to break away from the preconcieved notions I had of who I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to look like.
Faking it was second nature throughout high school, and not talking about it and pretending it didn't exist is how I lived. I was never tormented for it, but I was acutely aware of it - in how my NJROTC uniform didn't fit, in how the clothes I wore were intentionally baggy because I was supposed to hide myself in frumpy clothes. Maybe everyone in high school feels that way, that they are acutely aware of something about them that is wrong as defined by society.
In college and throughout I came to find the fat acceptance movement and started reading everything I could find. I found women who looked like me, were shaped like me, and were proud of their bodies. I started trying to find clothes that made me feel good, especially when I started being able to afford them. I'm all for "fuck flattering," but the sad truth is that clothes that fit me and the ones I like are expensive. But fuck flattering, just for the record.
I started not hating every bit of food I put in my mouth. Most of all, I started seeing that if people had problems with me because of my size, it wasn't a fault of mine. It wasn't something that I had done, I wasn't the broken one. Those people who had problems with me were the problems.
Insecurities still find me at times. I'm proud to say fuck you to those who have problems with me, and I'm proud that I fight so hard against the conventional wisdom that I need to lose weight to be healthy (because if I'm healthy and feel good and am exercising and don't lose weight, then I'm where I'm supposed to be). I still have problems though - when I'm trying on clothes I'm anxious, when I'm in a room with conventionally beautiful, thin people, I'm anxious and wondering if I'm the black sheep and if only I could change myself. I wonder if my partner doesn't want to have sex all the time because of the way I look, I wonder if only I was thinner would I be less anxious around people. Just this week I finally purchased a bathing suit that people will probably judge me for - short little shorts, all this thigh for people to see.
If only, if only. I'm not crippled by those insecurities though, I can always rise past them. There are good days and bad days. It's a process, because my body constantly subject to criticisms from everyone. From diet ads on tv, from low fat food products, from yogurts that will help me lose pounds to look good in my bathing suit (I look fine in my nice new bathing suit, thanks a bunch). From people telling me if I only moved more, I'd lose weight. From the First Lady trying to combat childhood obesity by getting us to "move."
We are always subject to these criticisms. Even conventionally beautiful, thin people are subject to someone telling them to be something they're not. You need more bust. You need longer hair. You're too bony.
The world is full of advertisements to make us into something we aren't. Keeping true to yourself in this world is difficult and strewn with mean comments, bullying, and strangers telling you what to do to be attractive.
It's a difficult world. I've reached the stage where I can mostly say fuck off, my fatness is none of your business. It really isn't.
I had a revolutionary thought (at least to me) the other day that I've finally come to the point where I'm a person who can be confident in who I am and still have insecurities. I don't have to be perfectly okay with myself. I can have my bad and good days. It doesn't shake the fact that I'm a good person, and the size of my body is the concern of only myself. To me, that's revolutionary.
It took a very long time and a lot of soul searching and learning on my part to shake that. Some people are born with that grace and confidence to be who they are and not give a damn what others think; some people aren't, and I'm one of those people. It took a very long time to come to terms with my size and to break away from the preconcieved notions I had of who I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to look like.
Faking it was second nature throughout high school, and not talking about it and pretending it didn't exist is how I lived. I was never tormented for it, but I was acutely aware of it - in how my NJROTC uniform didn't fit, in how the clothes I wore were intentionally baggy because I was supposed to hide myself in frumpy clothes. Maybe everyone in high school feels that way, that they are acutely aware of something about them that is wrong as defined by society.
In college and throughout I came to find the fat acceptance movement and started reading everything I could find. I found women who looked like me, were shaped like me, and were proud of their bodies. I started trying to find clothes that made me feel good, especially when I started being able to afford them. I'm all for "fuck flattering," but the sad truth is that clothes that fit me and the ones I like are expensive. But fuck flattering, just for the record.
I started not hating every bit of food I put in my mouth. Most of all, I started seeing that if people had problems with me because of my size, it wasn't a fault of mine. It wasn't something that I had done, I wasn't the broken one. Those people who had problems with me were the problems.
Insecurities still find me at times. I'm proud to say fuck you to those who have problems with me, and I'm proud that I fight so hard against the conventional wisdom that I need to lose weight to be healthy (because if I'm healthy and feel good and am exercising and don't lose weight, then I'm where I'm supposed to be). I still have problems though - when I'm trying on clothes I'm anxious, when I'm in a room with conventionally beautiful, thin people, I'm anxious and wondering if I'm the black sheep and if only I could change myself. I wonder if my partner doesn't want to have sex all the time because of the way I look, I wonder if only I was thinner would I be less anxious around people. Just this week I finally purchased a bathing suit that people will probably judge me for - short little shorts, all this thigh for people to see.
If only, if only. I'm not crippled by those insecurities though, I can always rise past them. There are good days and bad days. It's a process, because my body constantly subject to criticisms from everyone. From diet ads on tv, from low fat food products, from yogurts that will help me lose pounds to look good in my bathing suit (I look fine in my nice new bathing suit, thanks a bunch). From people telling me if I only moved more, I'd lose weight. From the First Lady trying to combat childhood obesity by getting us to "move."
We are always subject to these criticisms. Even conventionally beautiful, thin people are subject to someone telling them to be something they're not. You need more bust. You need longer hair. You're too bony.
The world is full of advertisements to make us into something we aren't. Keeping true to yourself in this world is difficult and strewn with mean comments, bullying, and strangers telling you what to do to be attractive.
It's a difficult world. I've reached the stage where I can mostly say fuck off, my fatness is none of your business. It really isn't.
I had a revolutionary thought (at least to me) the other day that I've finally come to the point where I'm a person who can be confident in who I am and still have insecurities. I don't have to be perfectly okay with myself. I can have my bad and good days. It doesn't shake the fact that I'm a good person, and the size of my body is the concern of only myself. To me, that's revolutionary.
Adventures in curry making
To be short, it didn't taste like anything I wanted. Whoops. That's not to say that it came out terrible - it came out edible, and a little tasty. I ended up bouncing between two different recipes I found on two different Paleo sites and I think that may have contributed to the watery taste of the curry. I also think I think fish sauce, which I don't have in the pantry yet. I made cauliflower rice for the first time as well and it came out better than I expected. I'm not a huge fan of cauliflower, and I was apprehensive when I tore open the packaging - but what do you know, it's just like broccoli. It took about 5 seconds in the food processor and two minutes in the microwave and bam, a rice like substance. I did chicken and squash in a different pan (I would have used more veggies, but all we had was squash) and threw cumin, coriander, salt, and some curry blend I had hiding in my spices into the curry to try and draw out more taste. It worked alright.
And then I made a smoothie out of coconut milk, strawberries, almond butter, and a tiny bit of cocoa. I'm having one of those a day lately, but I need my sweet fix. On the days I don't have that, I usually have Starbucks. There are so many versions of Paleo out there that it's hard accept one definition; some people even do cheese and corn, which we don't do. Starbucks is my vice, and I get an iced coffee with heavy whipping cream. I miss chai like crazy.
We haven't been eating as much as we used to - part of it is that our food is filling, and another part is that we've been busy with people over all the time eating all our food. That's not bad! We've had guests over, and we have someone staying with us for a few days now and he'll be here another couple of weeks. I don't mind having people over to eat with us; I actually enjoy it, because I can try cooking things and get feedback (cleaning up sucks but what can you do?). But it depletes our food very fast and when we get hungry at night and we're tired, we'll just go to bed instead of fire up the grill. We had sugar free turkey that was keeping us good but we couldn't it find it the last time we went shopping.
I'm still unsure of what to say about Paleo, or this lifestyle we're trying out. We had a cheat meal on Monday - Danny chose a fast-food Mexican place and I chose Jack in the Box, from which I got jalapeño poppers, fries, tacos, and a shake. I was so excited about the jalapeño poppers, because I've been dreaming of them every time I go by a Jack in the Box. To my great dismay, they weren't as tasty as I was hoping for. Even the tacos weren't. The fries were alright, but only with ranch. The only part of the meal I wasn't super disappointed with was my shake, but I have a crazy sweet tooth, so that makes sense. Damn that shake was great. Ice cream is great. Nobody can tell me otherwise.
Anyway, Danny was also not into his meal, and we both felt bad afterward. It was definitely an enlightening experience. It's the first time I've felt the direct correlation of eating bad food to feeling bad so starkly.
I'm not sure where I was going with this. Food is important. I wish my curry had come out better. I miss ice cream. That about sums it up.
And then I made a smoothie out of coconut milk, strawberries, almond butter, and a tiny bit of cocoa. I'm having one of those a day lately, but I need my sweet fix. On the days I don't have that, I usually have Starbucks. There are so many versions of Paleo out there that it's hard accept one definition; some people even do cheese and corn, which we don't do. Starbucks is my vice, and I get an iced coffee with heavy whipping cream. I miss chai like crazy.
We haven't been eating as much as we used to - part of it is that our food is filling, and another part is that we've been busy with people over all the time eating all our food. That's not bad! We've had guests over, and we have someone staying with us for a few days now and he'll be here another couple of weeks. I don't mind having people over to eat with us; I actually enjoy it, because I can try cooking things and get feedback (cleaning up sucks but what can you do?). But it depletes our food very fast and when we get hungry at night and we're tired, we'll just go to bed instead of fire up the grill. We had sugar free turkey that was keeping us good but we couldn't it find it the last time we went shopping.
I'm still unsure of what to say about Paleo, or this lifestyle we're trying out. We had a cheat meal on Monday - Danny chose a fast-food Mexican place and I chose Jack in the Box, from which I got jalapeño poppers, fries, tacos, and a shake. I was so excited about the jalapeño poppers, because I've been dreaming of them every time I go by a Jack in the Box. To my great dismay, they weren't as tasty as I was hoping for. Even the tacos weren't. The fries were alright, but only with ranch. The only part of the meal I wasn't super disappointed with was my shake, but I have a crazy sweet tooth, so that makes sense. Damn that shake was great. Ice cream is great. Nobody can tell me otherwise.
Anyway, Danny was also not into his meal, and we both felt bad afterward. It was definitely an enlightening experience. It's the first time I've felt the direct correlation of eating bad food to feeling bad so starkly.
I'm not sure where I was going with this. Food is important. I wish my curry had come out better. I miss ice cream. That about sums it up.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Fig cake balls oh my gawd
I have a terrible sweet tooth - it's fucking annoying. Right now we're on a little more than a week of being back on Paleo, and I've been dying for sweet stuff. Dying. We got a small blender over the weekend, which is better for smoothies - I've been using the food processor, woops. I toss in a banana, a few strawberries, almond butter, and some almond milk and ice and I'm good for a fix normally.
I can't deny that I would eat sweet things all the time if I could. It's a disease, really.
My biggest concern on being on Paleo was that I would lose my sweets. Yes, I know they're terrible for you. I know the wisdom, but goddamnit, sometimes I want something sweet. I get happiness out of it, if you will - if you say something otherwise I will fight you.
I am, however, trying to make an effort to get excited about Paleo. I mentioned in my last post that it wasn't something I came to lightly, and it's still something I get frustrated about, particularly when I'm chopping vegetables and all I want to do is pour a bowl of cereal and curl up on the couch and watch tv. That's when it's hard, and that's when I'm at my most loathsome. I've been reading blogs and websites from motivated Paleo people, and it's helping. I'm reblogging things I see on Tumblr I want to try and bookmarking recipes on my iPad. It's a process.
In my effort to get excited, I of course ran straight to see what sweet things I could have. And I found this recipe by PaleOMG.
I think I was successful.
Oh man was I stoked when they came out okay. I toyed with the recipe a little, added more cocoa (sweet tooth, ok?), less honey and salt. This picture was from my first batch during the middle of the week. They went fast - my sister and her girlfriend were over, me and Danny and his brother. I just made a lot more right now (about two whole packages of figs and a whole package of cashews) and they're chilling in the freezer. It helps to keep them firm, plus I like them cold.
They're definitely not the best for you, especially if you eat a bunch at once - I mean, that's a whole package of figs and half a bag of nuts. Yikes!
But they help with my sugar cravings, and they're way better than the alternative. It's foods like this that make me excited about Paleo, especially because they came out so good. I need positive reinforcement with food I make, and it's all I've been getting, so fuck yeah fig balls.
On a not so positive reinforcement note, I tried making sweet potato hummus the other day. It was ... well, it was ok. Way too sweet and not hummus-y enough for me at all. You win some, you lose some.
I picked up some mason jars a few days ago and some mint leaves today and I'm planning trying my hand at flavored waters. I like cucumbers and and strawberries in my water, but the aesthetic of it in a mason jar is my main driving force right now. We got a new grill this weekend also, so I'm hoping we make some chicken skewers. I love me some skewers.
I can't deny that I would eat sweet things all the time if I could. It's a disease, really.
My biggest concern on being on Paleo was that I would lose my sweets. Yes, I know they're terrible for you. I know the wisdom, but goddamnit, sometimes I want something sweet. I get happiness out of it, if you will - if you say something otherwise I will fight you.
I am, however, trying to make an effort to get excited about Paleo. I mentioned in my last post that it wasn't something I came to lightly, and it's still something I get frustrated about, particularly when I'm chopping vegetables and all I want to do is pour a bowl of cereal and curl up on the couch and watch tv. That's when it's hard, and that's when I'm at my most loathsome. I've been reading blogs and websites from motivated Paleo people, and it's helping. I'm reblogging things I see on Tumblr I want to try and bookmarking recipes on my iPad. It's a process.
In my effort to get excited, I of course ran straight to see what sweet things I could have. And I found this recipe by PaleOMG.
I think I was successful.
Oh man was I stoked when they came out okay. I toyed with the recipe a little, added more cocoa (sweet tooth, ok?), less honey and salt. This picture was from my first batch during the middle of the week. They went fast - my sister and her girlfriend were over, me and Danny and his brother. I just made a lot more right now (about two whole packages of figs and a whole package of cashews) and they're chilling in the freezer. It helps to keep them firm, plus I like them cold.
They're definitely not the best for you, especially if you eat a bunch at once - I mean, that's a whole package of figs and half a bag of nuts. Yikes!
But they help with my sugar cravings, and they're way better than the alternative. It's foods like this that make me excited about Paleo, especially because they came out so good. I need positive reinforcement with food I make, and it's all I've been getting, so fuck yeah fig balls.
On a not so positive reinforcement note, I tried making sweet potato hummus the other day. It was ... well, it was ok. Way too sweet and not hummus-y enough for me at all. You win some, you lose some.
I picked up some mason jars a few days ago and some mint leaves today and I'm planning trying my hand at flavored waters. I like cucumbers and and strawberries in my water, but the aesthetic of it in a mason jar is my main driving force right now. We got a new grill this weekend also, so I'm hoping we make some chicken skewers. I love me some skewers.
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